Sex Education, Technology, Consent, and Gender with Kris Gowen and Leah Haas
Sex education is usually treated like something you survive in middle school and then never talk about again.
Which is convenient, because apparently everyone is born knowing how to communicate desire, set boundaries, understand consent, navigate shame, explain gender, decode body language, use technology responsibly, build healthy relationships, and not get their entire personality from whatever terrible sex ed they received in seventh grade.
Very normal system.
In this episode of Maxwell’s Kitchen, I talk with sexuality educators Kris Gowen and Leah Haas about sex education, technology, consent, gender identity, relationships, shame, media literacy, and why adults probably need better sex ed too.
Kris and Leah created Beyond the Talk to help adults fill in the gaps many people were left with. Because for a lot of people, sex ed was either too little, too late, too awkward, too shame-based, or just some adult in a gymnasium saying “don’t do it” and hoping that would somehow handle the entire human species.
It did not.
In This Episode
We talk about what comprehensive sex education actually means and why it is not just about condoms, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted infections.
Kris and Leah explain how sex ed can include consent, communication, boundaries, body language, gender identity, sexual orientation, media literacy, pleasure, shame, relationships, and how people learn to talk honestly about themselves.
We also talk about Oregon sex education, abstinence-only education, why parents worry about what kids are being taught, and why the better question is not “how do we keep kids from learning about sex?” but “how do we help people understand themselves, their bodies, and other people before they are already in situations they do not know how to handle?”
That seems slightly useful.
Technology, Communication, and Sex
A big part of this conversation is about technology.
Texting, dating apps, online communication, Zoom, phones, social media, and whatever is coming next are all changing how people relate to each other.
Some of that is helpful. Some of it is weird. Some of it probably makes us worse at being in the same room with another human being.
We talk about body language, verbal consent, reading cues, why in-person communication matters, and why technology cannot replace the very human work of learning how to say what you want and hear what someone else is actually saying.
Even if someone technically says “sure,” their face might be saying, “please throw me into the ocean instead.”
That matters.
Gender, Identity, and Language
We also talk about gender identity, pronouns, labels, language, and why more people are talking openly about these subjects now.
Leah and Kris explain how language can help people understand themselves and feel less alone. We talk about why gender identity and expression have existed across history, why the words keep changing, and why that can feel confusing if you grew up in a world that gave you only a couple of boxes to choose from.
The point is not to memorize every term like there will be a quiz.
The point is to understand that people are trying to describe their actual experience of being alive. If a word helps someone feel more connected to themselves and safer in the world, maybe that is worth taking seriously.
Shame, Media, and Relationships
This conversation also gets into shame.
Sexual shame. Religious shame. Body shame. Relationship shame. The weird background shame many people carry around without knowing where it came from.
We talk about how media teaches people what bodies are supposed to look like, what relationships are supposed to become, and what success is supposed to feel like.
Marriage comes up too, including the difference between marriage as a legal structure, a religious structure, and a relationship goal people are taught to chase without always asking why.
Very romantic stuff.
About Kris Gowen and Leah Haas
L. Kris Gowen, PhD, EdM, is a sexuality educator, researcher, author, and co-founder of Beyond the Talk with Leah Haas. Her work focuses on human sexuality, technology, online dating, sexting, sex robots, and sex education for teens and adults.
Leah Haas is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in sexuality and gender at Inner Awareness Therapy. She is a sex educator and trainer, and co-founder of Beyond the Talk.
Together, they work on helping people talk more clearly, safely, and honestly about sexuality, relationships, identity, and communication.
Quick Takeaway
Sex education is not just one awkward class.
It is part of how people learn to understand themselves, respect other people, communicate clearly, handle rejection, set boundaries, talk about pleasure, notice shame, and move through the world with a little more awareness.
That seems like something worth learning before adulthood.
Or during adulthood.
Or whenever you realize you have been improvising the whole thing.
