Can You Regain Trust In A Partner Or Friend?
Nobody likes to screw up. Nobody enjoys that gut-wrenching feeling in the bottom of your gut when you know you hurt someone or let them down. And it is somewhat unavoidable.
Perception and assumption can wreak havoc on anything and everything you have happening in life. In the Don Miguel Ruiz book “The Four Agreements” - a short, simple set of four rules are offered to try and understand and appreciate your interactions with yourself and others. One of these rules is “Don’t Make Assumptions”. This one is difficult to follow.
We are all constantly fabricating reality inside our mind and feeling insecure and second-guessing the thing you said to your boss or the way you smiled at that girl at the grocery store or how you hugged your grandma the last time you saw her. Our minds are incredibly awesome at painting pictures that may not always be true. What you assume is what you think but you are only one person in any equation. Most times you will be required to communicate with someone else and lay it out - and even then it might not be fully clear! 🤣
Human emotion is beautiful and necessary but so open to being misconstrued. Don’t make assumptions. Don’t assume anyone knows what crazy shit is swimming around in your head right now. Because honestly - no one is thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves, too!😂
Deep in a lot of this interaction is the assumption of trust. Trust is delicate - and so incredibly important. I can almost argue it is impossible to get back after it has been broken. People talk about forgiveness, and I think that is real, but I’m not sure you can ever fully repair trust. There will always be some tinge of doubt buried in the back of that brain.
When you have real trust with a partner, or colleague, or friend; there are few things that can match it. The calm serenity that washes over you when you KNOW you can count on them not to fuck you is a truly beautiful thing. That’s all anyone wants. To be accepted. To be appreciated. And to be trusted. Mutual trust is what cities are built upon and how anyone makes it more than 6 months in a relationship.
When one or the other breaks this fragile glass, you can glue it back but the cracks will always be there. And sometimes, that thing just keeps getting smashed and fractured over and over again till most of it is glue. These are long-time miserable marriages where each person would rather cut their lips on a broken glass then try to go find a brand new one.
It’s a bummer. But I was there so I can’t talk shit. You know it’s done but you can’t let go. And then the beautiful thing is that you get 8 years out and you’re like “this is the best thing that could’ve happened to me”. You thank everything and everyone along the line because you made mistakes and failed over and over but you kept learning and now you appreciate it all. It happened to you. It almost killed you. But you made it. And each day you walk around feeling like a new person with a big smile on your face because you know how bad it can be. And so you give thanks and know deep down that when it gets tough again it won’t phase you.
You cherish that trust with the people you haven’t shattered. And you won’t. It means so much more now.
